Thursday, 5 February 2009

A billion pounds so far, apparently

Today I awoke into a bright, white, living nightmare.
I stared, horrified, as the fat flakes settled gently
On my driveway and lawn
Topping each gatepost with a fluffy white fez
Transforming the hedgerow into an indigestible
But beautiful
Christmas cake,
And I cried “Oh my God!
What about the economy?

As I walked to the park I stared with mounting panic
At the parked cars adorning the street
Each coated three inches deep
Or with patches swept clean
Arsenals for snowball fights
I almost wept to think of the petrol not being burned
Of the mindless tasks not being performed
In offices thirty miles away.

In the park, it only got worse.
Children and adults were laughing together
Whole streets united in play
Great snowy constructions were rising from the ground
As the treacherous flakes continued to fall
Ramps, forts and igloos,
A menagerie of assorted snow-beings
Icy sculptures of ethereal beauty
Or lumpy majesty
My head went light and I struggled not to faint
At the thought of all that creativity
Hard work and productivity
Not being spent on the tedious administrative tasks
And the learning of pointless facts by rote
So vital to the functioning of a modern economy.
A newly fostered sense of community
Of shared experience and humanity
And the kind of childlike wonder
That reminds us that it’s good to be alive
Is all very well
But it’s not going to revive the flagging share index now, is it?

I went back home to get my snowplough -
They’ll thank me for this one day.

1 comment:

merrick said...

The snow provided opportunity for direct conflict with the banking sector, as a crowd of good burghers attacked the Royal Bank of Scotland.

Also, state-controlled media was subverted in Nottingham.

Though it's not all fun and games. I think there is some sizeable degree of truth in Harry Hutton's opinion that snow as a rare occurance is fun, but ongoing cold climates are the wrong place for we who are, after all, African apes.

"Everyone in Scotland has an EU passport. They don’t have to stay, which begs the question: why do they stay? Why does the entire population not re-locate to Tenerife?"

"Digging snow out of your drive to get to work is very impressive, and makes you a real man. But to do this every day for three months because you lack the wit to move to a habitat fit for humans is the behaviour of a fuckhead."