Disasterbation

Another new poem. This one's most definitely a performance piece - the chorus is sung, and I generally attempt to get the audience to join in.

I was trying to write something a bit more light-hearted and fun than my usual stuff, but it went a bit...wrong.

Disasterbation

You know it’s wrong, but still
You get a guilty little thrill
Every time there’s an explosion on the news.
And if the world is going to hell
You tell yourself you might as well
Just party hard because there’s nothing left to lose
And though you know it isn’t right you start to feel an odd delight
With each new piece of doom and gloom that’s beamed into your room tonight
Does war now thrill you to the core? Does global warming get you hot?
Does swine flu make you grunt and snort with satisfaction?
While the recession is caressing you upon your sweetest spot?
Disaster makes your heart beat faster, there’s a name for this reaction
It’s called

Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s a solution for a panic-stricken nation
Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s all too late, come celebrate, disasterbate.

So the oil is running out, while war reports keep flooding in
And politicians just keep dishing on more rhetoric and spin
If we can’t save society then, well, we might as well destroy it
And if it’s gonna happen anyway we might as well enjoy it
Let’s Armageddon it on! Fuel up, we’re driving to destruction!
Let’s light a global climate pyre using these fire safety instructions!
If billions die in floods and flames, well hey, you’ll probably be saved
And get to madly max it out in some apocalyptic rave
While singing

Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s a solution for a panic-stricken nation
Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s all too late, come celebrate, disasterbate.

But then occasionally you find in the recesses of your mind
A tiny niggling doubt that’s somewhere struggling to get out
Could there be something bad or mean in all these manic dreams you’ve dreamed
Of roller coasting into chaos toasting turmoil with a beam
While other’s lives are going to waste – could this perhaps be in bad taste?
And your own wild wasteful ways are hastening the final days
Of folks who never hear your jokes or get to join your latest craze
Those wars and famines that are happening to people far away
And leaving you – mostly - alone
Could they be real people’s lives with equal value to your own?
Meanwhile, around you is the sound of people muttering “enough”
They aren’t just loafers on the sofa; no, they’re trying to fix this stuff
And they’re delighting in the fight, they’re strangely happy just to try
It’s a whole different kind of party and you’re letting them pass by
And they’re giving you the eye…

But then the nightly news comes on and you immerse yourself once more
In your financial meltdown money shots and climate crisis porn
While singing

Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s a reactionary distraction for the nation
Woah! Disasterbation!
It’s all too late, come celebrate, disasterbate
It’s all too late, come celebrate, disasterbate
It’s all too late, come celebrate…
Disasterbate

******************************

The first time I performed it, my mum was in the audience. I possibly should have thought that one through a bit more carefully.

Right. Time for a new poem. I wrote this after reading Merrick's piece about climate denial. As usual, it's written for performance rather than the page, so doesn't work as well written down. It's also deliberately educational - I'm thinking of using it for the A-Z of Climate Change. All feedback welcome!

*******************************************

No
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know
I said no
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know

It’s the sun
It’s the clouds
It’s volcanoes
It’s shrouded
In mystery and doubt
And we’ll never find out
No, it’s China -
America’s fault -
Watch your backs, it’s
A global conspiracy to raise your taxes
It’s not warming at all!
Well it is, but not much
Well, OK, quite a lot but not our fault as such
And we’ll grow grapes in London
Except, if you’re wondering,
It’s all made up by scientists to increase their funding
It’s a scam
It’s too late
It’s a natural thing
Please, just tell me I don’t have to do anything.

No.
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know
I said no
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know

Why would you believe it?
It’s too hard to bear
The fearful idea
That seemingly innocent things we do here
Turn on the gas, or drive down to Ikea
Could flood out into droughts, storms, to death and despair
Who cares if the science is clear?
Why would we comfortable few want to face
The fact that the future we’ve chosen to chase
Based on the assumption of growing consumption
Of ever more energy, mining and waste
Demands more fossil fuels than the climate can take?
Is it any surprise that we’re willing to cling
To half-baked answers from internet chancers
‘Bout gaps in the science or blizzards in Spring
Or fire-breathing giants from the Lizard King
As the floodwaters rise from Dhaka to Beijing
Please, just tell me I don’t have to do anything.

No.
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know
I said no
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know

There are three simple things that we need to show
In order to know
Global warming is real and a thing we should slow
First is the fact that
CO2 warms the atmosphere
Trapping more of the Sun’s rays down here
Now, despite all the online bitching
You can show this yourself in your own kitchen
With a bottle, lamp, vinegar and baking powder
I can point you to a video that shows you how to
Try it yourself, and see how hot all
The air gets in a CO2–filled bottle
It’s basic stuff that we’ve known since 1832*
And no-one seriously says it isn’t true.
Next we need to show that we, down here,
Have been pumping CO2 into the atmosphere
For the last 150 years.
At an unprecedentedly rapid rate
This is well measured, not a matter of debate
We’ve been churning out the stuff like it’s the only thing we knew
And no-one seriously says it isn’t true.
Add these two facts together, we’d expect to see
Our planet getting hotter as the carbon levels shot up
Over the last century
With increased rapidity
Which leads us neatly and sweetly onto fact number three
Where thousands of measurements all over the world
Have been showing the average temperature growing
In a way that’s aligned with the CO2 climb
While the heat from the Sun remained roughly the same
So there’s no other natural cycle to blame
And this is the bit where a few people do
Begin to exclaim that it just can’t be true
Find some minor detail in a stolen email
And start excitedly bleating
That this means that the world isn’t really heating
It’s an evil secret scheme
A conspiracy between
Thousands of temperature measurement stations, altered patterns of bird migration, the Arctic melting into pieces, hundreds of vanishing animal species, the thawing of Siberian tundra, Pacific islands going under, African farmers’ failing crops, trillions of individual raindrops, Indigenous people’s vanishing lands, the way the warming sea expands, the Californian wildfires, the 99% of all climate scientists who are liars, prehistoric ice cores, eroding shores, Al Gore…
They’re all in it together
Hijacking the weather
It sounds far-fetched but I’ll take it all in
If it means that I don’t have to do anything.

No
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know
I said no
Say it ain’t so
Don’t give me the facts coz I don’t want to know

But the bit that’s really twisted
Is that - after decades of resisting -
Government and business
Are finally admitting
That the problem does exist
But are doing nowhere near enough to really deal with it
Instead they’re looking for new ways
To make climate peril pay
Setting up complex carbon markets to trade the sky away
Doing naff all for the climate but lots for the bottom line
Which leaves a disillusioned public understandably inclined
To think the whole damn thing’s a scam
And not deserving of their time
But here’s the thing:
It’s our own power we deny
When we say there’s nothing we can do it means we needn’t try
But as soon as we admit
That yes, humans are causing it
That gives us back the chance to act
Against the main culprits:
The banks and corporations chasing endless fossil profits.
For a better world let’s put our crazed economy on trial
And take a stand against the people who would keep us in denial

So I’ll say no
I won’t let it be so
Gonna act on the facts and let a better world flow
No
I won’t let it be so
Gonna act on the facts and let a better world flow

*Actually 1824 (it was discovered by the French scientist Joseph Fourier), but that didn’t rhyme. It’s true that we knew about it in 1832, though, so I figure this is OK. Poetic license, baby.

Climate Denier "Proves" Climate Change

This is good for a wry, bitter laugh...

As if I didn't have enough to worry about...

With slightly grudging thanks to Alice In Blogland.

Is it our turn yet?

OK, so I was writing up my thoughts following the Copenhagen debacle and it kind of turned into an article - which the New Internationalist then agreed to publish on their website. It's called "Rising Faster Than The Oceans", and is all about finding a positive way forward now that the world's politicians have screwed everything up so spectacularly. Have a look and let me know what you think (I'd suggest reading it as a companion piece to the article by Jess I mentioned last time).

If you think it's useful, please do spread the link around!

I should have known, really

Well, surprise surprise, I'm here in Copenhagen and I'm too busy doing things to have time to write about them. Have already seen some amazing things and met some incredible people. Outside the talks is totally where it's at - far more interesting than inside I reckon. Will try to do a proper update when I get a chance!

In the meantime, check out Jess's blog for her experiences within the summit, and a video interview with the lead negotiator for Bolivia...

COPping Off

Well, this is it - I'm off to Copenhagen on Wednesday.

I'll be doing research for a climate change book I'm writing, and will also attempt to blog from the protests as best I can, web access permitting...

Watch this space for update-y things as and when. Also keep an eye on Jess's blog, as she'll be casting a critical eye over goings-on inside the conference centre.

In the meantime, why not watch Lord Monckton and Al Gore square off in a rap battle?